TARNISHED
by Mello-83
Summary: Natalia is highly unnerved by her unplanned indiscretion with Frank and her guilt leads her to confess to the one person that holds her heart...Olivia.


**TARNISHED**

**~ OTALIA ~ **

**One Shot**

"Nat!" Olivia called out as she walked through the living room door. Walking into the kitchen and seeing that the light was off**...flicking them on...** "No, DON'T!" Nat barked, "keep them off, please." Her voice calming some. "Oh, God, Nat, you scared the crap outta me," Liv clutched at her heart, as curiousity filtered her attractive features, "why are you in here just sitting at the table with the lights out?" Heading toward Nat to see what was wrong and kneeling down to Nat's level she began the stroke the hazel eyed woman's arm when, "DON'T, please, ~ Olivia, don't touch me." Natalia's words were cold and empty.

"Why, Natalia, why can't I touch you?" The older woman said in a warm loving murmur hoisting herself unto a chair never breaking eye contact with the younger woman as she did.

Nat just sat there with her face in her hands shaking her head. Then in a despondent tone she commanded, "Liv, just give me 15 minutes, okay, I...I just need to be alone." Natalia was adamant as she spoke to Olivia but never once lifted her face to look at the older woman.

Perplexed and hurt Liv did as she was commanded and got up from her seat and went into the living room to give, her estimation, the most beautiful woman she'd ever known, the privacy she requested.

Olivia almost in an outer body experience lowered herself onto the couch and began to lament silently to herself.

'Nat, I don't know what's going on with you but all I wanna do is help you. Why won't you let me help you?' Running her fingers across her forehead; in a futile attempt to wipe away the confusion that laid there; like a lead pipe.

* "**Oh, DIOS, como podria hacer algo similar,...sabiendo?**" Natalia questioning her Maker and herself aloud, yet, softly so Olivia wouldn't hear. Her eyes closed as she gently raked her fingernails against her cheeks in a worrisome manner.

Liv thought she heard Nat say something...in a whisper, a plea, perhaps?...She ached at the need she had to run to the beautiful younger woman's aid, but she was determined to respect Natalia's wishes. "Damn it, Nat, what in everything you call holy is going on with you ~ you won't let me..._touch you_ ~ you wouldn't even look at me, _**what did I do?**_" Olivia painfully spat out to herself in something a kin to a whisper.

_**The minutes crept by; each second excruciatingly long ~ tallying both women's raw emotions to the **_

_**breaking point.**_

"Mary, Mother of GOD, why did I...how could I do something so...awful, vile...I...I know it was wrong,"...tears starting to flow, slowly at first then like the falls came thrashing down her flushed cheeks...sharp and torturous, almost like a thousand little knives cutting away at her flesh..."GOD, please, help me, give me the answer to WHY, I hurt...why I did it, I know I was just trying to help a friend,...I ~ GOD, please, _**take it away**_...?"

Olivia hearing Nat's fragmented prayer, not being able to keep her distance any longer, leapt up and ran into the kitchen, her eyes bloodshot from worry, rushing to Natalia's side, "Nat, please, tell me what's wrong ~ was it something I did, you have to tell me?" Olivia's eyes pleading for a response.

Natalia's entire body throbbed from guilt. Still finding it unbearable to look Olivia in the eyes. She placed her hands over her eyes and started babbling some semblance of the english language, "Liv, I...I didn't mean, I just wanted to"...letting out an exasperated sigh..."I ~ wanted to help a friend, who was hurting and I just...I made it worse, so much worse," The younger woman begun to weep again, this time her whole being shook from the veracity of the action.

Olivia naturally went to reach for Natalia and hug her, but this seemingly natural instinct was only reserved for two people in Liv's life Emma, her daughter and Natalia, her..._**best friend? **_For lack or fear of the appropriate term, Olivia thought to herself for a split second before turning her attention back to the woman before her.

"Natalia," the cat-eyed woman said faintly, touching the other woman slightly on the arm, "talk to me, please,"

Her used heart pulsating in her chest.

"I'm dirty, Olivia, that's why I don't want you to touch me or look at me ~ why I can't look at you, I viola-" She aborted her words before she could divulge any further truth to the older woman. Willing herself to now look at Liv, in all her controlled strength; the taller woman was beautiful, attractive, formidable, even. But she was also so much more. And Natalia knew that, she saw it, she cherished it. She always found comfort in the hotel owner's quiet vulnerability, her hidden softness; that side of herself she only showed to her and Emma. And she so desperately wanted to do nothing more than to fall into those strong yet tender arms and cry to her hearts content about what she had done, how she had ~ betrayed the woman who had stolen her Nicky's heart, literally, and now so completely stolen hers as well.

Olivia giving Natalia a long bewildering gaze, bringing her other hand up to stroke the long lush hair of the younger woman whom was behaving much like a wounded animal caught in a trap, which was so dissimilar to Natalia's normal behavior it concerned Olivia.

"Nat, honey, I just wanna...Liv swallowed hard then continued...touch your hair, can I do that, is that okay?" Asking her _**friend**_ if she could touch her, but not just physically touch her, Liv wanted to break thru to Nat, penetrate thru this wall that she'd so quickly built.

"I'm not clean, Liv, " Nat stated in such a monochromatic way that it sounded machine-like.

Olivia couldn't stand it anymore she has to break thru this virtual concrete barrier Nat put up. "NATALIA AITURO, If You Don't Tell Me What You Did, I'm Gonna Pack Up Mine And My Daughter's Things And Leave This Farmhouse. Now Tell Me, DAMMIT! What Did You Do!" Liv shouted in a strained hauntingly painful way that Nat had no choice but to reciprocate to.

Wide hazel-eyes glistening as she stumbled toward her confession, "Olivia, I did something that is going to cause a lotta pain for a lotta people, including...You, especially ~ YOU."

"Whatta mean, especially me, Nat?" Olivia's mind racing to try and find some kind of clarity. Reliving their day; in her mind. 'Okay, we sent Emma off to school together this morning, I had that meeting at the Beacon, Nat went to Company to help the Coopers, I stopped by to grab a quick bite then I ran into that obnoxious Jeffrey, 'Tell her how you feel, Nat,' Laughing within herself imitating the DA. 'How in the hell would he now what or how I feel for her; like he knows me, what an asshole,' she carried on this conversation about Jeffrey a few more seconds...

_**Just then Natalia's cell phone rings and this brings her back to the current state of events. **_

Nat doesn't answer it but she does view that display to see who it is...it's Frank. Her breathing becoming uneven and that wall that had slowly begun to crumble was now threatening to reattach itself and Olivia was witnessing it all, picking up the phone checking to see whom it was that got Nat all in a tailspin. Suddenly realization flirting with her senses and now with a bit of trepidation Liv begins to piece together Natalia's _dirty little secret_.

The younger woman needing to get away from the intensity of the moment jumps to her feet and heads toward the living room but Olivia grabs her wrist and beckons her to stop. "Nat, come back please and explain to me how it happened," Not sure she really wants to hear how, why or when but she nows that Natalia needs to get it out, confess her sins, is how Nat would put it.

The usually radiant latina woman was now both flushed and pale, those things manifesting themselves outwardly but on the inside Natalia was experiencing some other sensibilities; hot and cold, a sense of loss and then finding oneself again, and with such a cornucopia of emotions stirring at the same time, it was difficult to gage what her true affections really were.

"Nat, you were gonna tell me what's going on with you, before that call, well the call's come and gone and I'm still here, so tell me...?" Liv holding on to the younger woman's arm has if her life depended on it, and in some ways it did, Nat's confession was going to effect her life as well as another.

Nat stood over Olivia eyeing the older woman with compassion, "You're such a good good friend Olivia, I don't deserve you. I made such a grave error in judgement and I know that GOD hates me and I'm su-"

Interrupted by Olivia, "Natalia,"coaxing the younger woman to have a seat, and she reluctantly complies, "God, does not hate you, Nat, no one could hate you," Olivia said with love to the other woman.

"You don't know what I've done Liv, the horrible mistake, I-"

Natalia's words were once again cut short by the auburn haired woman saying, "Nat, I know...I mean, I kinda figured out what it is you did, but, uhm I need you to confirm my suspicions." Olivia said sullenly her stare penetrating thru the younger woman.

Nat was reflective for a short moment then pricked out, "What do you think you know Liv, uh?" Nat spoke gracing Olivia with an equally piercing gaze.

The older woman was getting extremely frustrated, "You know what Nat, don't tell me what's going on with you, obviously I don't mean that much to you because if I did you wouldn't shut me outta your life like you're doing now, so I guess Emma and I will just move back into the Beacon, and leave you and your secrets here by your damn self!" Olivia husked out then quickly rose from her chair when she finally heard it...the thing she dreaded most...

"I had sex with Frank." Natalia blurted the information out so fast that she almost wasn't sure if she actually said it out loud or not? Now chewing on her bottom lip and gingerly massaging her fingertips attempting to regain the lost circulation in them from a little while ago when she was wringing them relentlessly.

Olivia carefully sat back down hoping against hope that she did not hear Nat correctly, "You, ~ with Frank?" Liv couldn't believe it, although she had figured it out but she definitely couldn't speak the words herself. "The visit to Company's, the phone call from Frank you didn't pick up and the expression on your face once you saw that the call was from him, it was a look of pure guilt with something else mixed in; I'm not quite sure what though?" Liv laying the parts of the puzzle out before herself and Nat.

"Yeah, yes, I did,...I'm sorry, Liv," The younger woman whisped out looking at the business woman with a bit of shock and an anguished expression on her face.

Liv stood up pulling the younger woman with her then pulling her into a warm embrace wrapping her right arm around the Nat's waist while she raised her left hand up to the delicate features of the raven haired lovely she tenderly took her thumb and caressed a stray tear away before placing an adoring kiss to her temple.

"Sshh, there's nothing for you to be sorry for," now gently rubbing the area that she just kissed, "you...you gave yourself to someone that you lo..." unable to say the word, "care for and that's okay, Nat," Olivia uttered softly striving to hold her ravenous emotions at bay.

"Yes, there is, Liv," looking up into clouded greenish-grey eyes that spoke volumes about how she felt, "I...I hurt you," Nat murmured trying hard not to break down in _**this woman's**_ arms, because if she were to ~ she knows that she wouldn't be able to stop.

"Nat, you didn't hurt me," she lied, "I just want you to be happy and if _Frank_ makes you ~ _happy?_ then I-"

Olivia's misplaced rave was pleasantly banished by the warmest softest sweetest pair of lips that had ever grazed the older woman's mouth. It was like fire colliding with ice to make a smoking white hot flame, one that couldn't be contained as their lips burned by every taunting and teasing move the other would make. Fighting for dominance, with the younger woman edging out just a bit when she flicked just the tip of her tongue over the older woman's which was the cause of her near undoing.

Timidly disengaging from the embrace and that heated kiss, Natalia's forehead resting on Olivia's still heaving bosom. Livia breaking the silence first, "Whoa, whoo," blowing out a satisfied, yet nervous breath, "where'd that come from?" She finally blew out, as she affectionately strummed her fingers thru Nat's hair.

Natalia didn't say a word she just continued to rest her head against Liv's chest listening to every erratic beat it made.

Feeling a little _weak at the knees_, "Nat, I, ah, think I...uhm, need to sit down," Olivia said quietly to her _**friend**_.

"What, are you okay, is it"...Natalia uttered with longing in her voice..."your heart," Lifting her head up a tad and flashing Liv that dimpled smile that caused every molecule in the slightly taller woman's body to chemically react.

"Uhm, duh, yeah, ya think? You almost killed me." Liv stated in a humorous tone.

Natalia laughed filling the room with warmth and a much needed release for herself.

"Well, since I'm responsible for your near demise why don't you sit down here." Trying to help Liv take a seat in one of the kitchen chairs but Liv kind of swatting that idea away saying, "No, I need more leverage than a chair, let's go in the living room and sit on the couch." Grabbing Natalia's hand and leading them both into the adjoining room.

_**Currently nestled on the couch together Liv continues to push Nat for answers? **_

"So, Nat why'd you kiss me?" Olivia queried to the younger woman as she gently brushed a dark lock behind the woman's ear.

"Because you were babbling on about ~ Frank, and I...I just didn't want to talk about him...anymore..." Nat's voice trailing off. But her hands were sensuously caressing Liv's arms as she gave the older woman her response.

"Well, I was not babbling I was merely questioning you about what...you did ~ with Frank. That's nothing to be ashamed of when two people l-"

Angrily interrupted by Nat, "See there you go, bringing that man up again, I made a fucking mistake, Olivia!

** "**!Para el motivo de la calidad, despida ese tema!**" Natalia's spanish and potty mouth came out whenever she was angry or excited.

"Wow! I'm...I'm sorry, Damn woman. I was just trying to say that it's okay that you did what you did with someone you care about, Natalia." Liv explained, her heart breaking slightly at the thought that Nat may actually love Frank.

Nat glaring at Liv, "That's just it Olivia, that's what I'm saying I...I don't care for Frank in that way...looking away from the older woman..."I...I care about him as a friend, only as a friend and I shouldn't have had sex with him."

Nat, now gazing into the watery eyes of her _**friend**_ waiting for her reply.

Olivia sat there holding Nat's hands into hers not really knowing what to say or do opens her mouth to speak but then closes it again being careful so she wouldn't say anything that would set the dimpled woman off again. And as much as Liv liked this fire in Natalia she also didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was.

"Liv, say something, please," Nat pleaded.

"I, ah, first off please, please don't ever actually speak the thing you did with Frank, you saying it the first time earlier was more than enough, really," Liv giving Nat that twitchy smirk that the younger woman found totally irresistible.

"Okay, what else, you said first off, so that means it's gonna be a second thing, so?..." Smiling so hard she would bust.

"Um, the second thing, was stopping me from talking about Frank the only reason you kissed me?" Liv locked into Nat's hazel eyes and would let go until she got an answer that would satisfy her.

Natalia was caught off guard unsure if she was ready to pour out her heart so soon after such an already highly emotion confession. Nat's tried to pulling away from Liv's stare but she couldn't. Every fiber in her being ached to tell the older woman sitting in front of her everything that was in her heart but she was just so...scared...?

"Liv, I...that was the only reason." Nat isn't a very good liar and Liv knows it.

"You're lying, why?" Olivia demanded softly.

"You, did you take your meds today, Liv? Because you know that you shouldn't skip a day"...brushing her bangs outta her face then laughing nervously..."Rick would give me a good tongue lashing if I didn't making sure yo-"

Olivia butting in, "A good tongue lashing, that's an interesting choice of words, it wouldn't be the same kind of tongue lashing you gave me a few minutes ago, now would it? Why - did - you - kiss - me - Natalia?"

"Because?" Nat simply said.

Liv pushing herself off the couch and heading for the stairs.

"Where are going?" Nat asked panic gracing her features.

"Upstairs to pack." Olivia said flatly.

"Olivia, wait ~ I-"

Cut off by Liv, "I...I what, Nat, are you gonna give me a straight answer or not, because if not I need to gather Em's and mines things so we can leave your home an-"

Liv's rant being intercepted by Nat. "This is you guys home too. You, Em, me and Rafe when he gets out,...please,

Liv, don't go?" Natalia's mood somber, sensing the loss of not having Emma and Liv in her life was unbearable.

"So, answer my question?" Liv didn't waver.

A quick thoughtful pause then, "I kissed you because I wanted to Olivia. I remembered when you kissed me a few weeks ago and I...I just wanted to experience that feeling again, I guess?" Natalia's answer was an honest one but a partial one and Olivia could sense that, so she did what she always does ~ pushed some more.

"Okay, that's a good start, Nat, now gimme the full story," her resolve wearing thin, she knew that Natalia had another reason for kissing her but she needed for the younger woman to admit it.

"Olivia...I don't know what you want me to say, I mean, I told you it was to shut you up about Frank and told I wanted to kiss you again because I liked the first kiss and I wanted to revisit they way it felt. I don't really know what else I can tell you?" Nat thoughts racing a million miles a minute, she doesn't want to drive Olivia away.

Liv gave Nat a long hard stare then inquired, "you told me that you were extremely sorry for what you did with Frank and that you knew it would hurt me ~ why would you think it would hurt me?" Olivia hoped that her new approach to tackling the truth about Nat's feelings for her would fair better than her usual bullying.

"Well, I ~ I just thought it would bother you, me and Frank together, it doesn't?" Nat answering the older woman's question with another one and Liv wasn't expecting that.

"You know what, Nat, I'm tired I think I'm gonna go take a nap, maybe you-"

Natalia cut in finally revealing the truth, "I kissed you because I love you, there, I said it." Nat stood with her arms folded across her chest, a coyness in her pout that Liv found utterly adorable.

"I love you too, Nat, friends, normally do love each other," there goes that bully again, Liv mused to herself.

"I Love You more than friends, but not like sisters, okay, Liv, I ~ I really, truly love you, and I can't imagine you and Emma not in my life." So there it was everything Olivia had always dreamed of hearing Natalia say, but what now? What would Liv do with this much treasured information, tuck it away in the recesses of her mind or act on it as she always did by jumping on a thing right away and chance running Nat out of her life, or for once in her life respond in kind and tread slowly?

Walking over to the slightly shorter woman and removing her arms from there stiffened folded state they were in. She then brought her hands to her lips and kissed the back of them, then wrapped them around her neck before pulling the younger woman into her embrace, all in one swift movement it seemed. She began to caress Natalia's arms up and down now looking intensely into hazel eyes saying, "I Love You, Nat...and Rafe, more than you know and I would like, no, love nothing more than to be given the opportunity to show you everyday for the rest of our lives just how much you two mean to me and Emma.

_**And with that declaration of love the two kissed again slow and passionately then cuddled lovingly on the couch. Hoping that there no found love would stave off any outside influences until they were both ready to reveal to the world the enormity of their love for one another.**_

**~ Spanish to English Translations in Bold ~**

* **"Oh, GOD, how could I do something like that,...knowing?"** Natalia questioning her Maker and herself aloud, yet, softly so Olivia wouldn't hear. Her eyes closed as she gently raked her fingernails against her cheeks in a worrisome manner.

Angrily interrupted by Nat, "See there you go, bringing that man up again, I made a fucking mistake, Olivia!

** **"For goodness sake lay off that subject!"** Natalia's spanish and potty mouth came out whenever she was angry or excited.


End file.
